Invisible

Today I feel invisible.... like no one sees me or hears me. & then I wonder why it even matters. But, the truth is, who wants to be alone in this world? & @ the same time, I pity those people who recruit random people into their lives to feel validated. So, in that moment, I decide to rebel against the system & baste in my loneliness, to embrace it like a shield. But like any ego, I look forward to tomorrow when I recover from this self-defeating moment, & fill my day w/ meaningless activities that are supposed to speak to my greater purpose; in which I'm still not sure of.... & in the middle of this self-searching moment, I get an ego-driven confirmation from someone that I care for deeply, someone that could potentially be the cause of this tumultuous moment that I'm experiencing. But, am I validated by this confirmation, is my day made better? Have I overcome those previous feelings? Not really b/c I know that my contentment, my life, can't be based on the actions of others. So, in this moment, I pick myself up & start over again.

Re-introduction

Allow me to re-introduce myself (Jay-z's song just ran thru my head as I finished that line!) But, I've been gone QUITE a while! I got burned out w/ the whole blogging process, btw keeping up w/ others' posts & trying to create my own, I lost interest. Mostly b/c I felt like I couldn't compete, & I became so inundated w/ info that it overwhelmed me, but also b/c I wasn't inspired by anything enough to write. But today, I decided to resurrect... we'll see how long this lasts, though; my a.d.d is probably the biggest obstacle in my life, I just can't seem to focus on 1 thing for too long.

Brief update.... I spent the better part of the summer obsessing over my career; believing that I should do something else. I literally had anxiety attacks over the issue, only to calm down & realize that I'm in the right place @ the right time. I've also enrolled in additional classes to complete the requirements for taking the CPA exam; though I have no intentions on staying in accounting for longer than 2 more years. I've had my usual random, short-term dating life that fizzled as quickly as it was ignited, & then my usual mainstays that just won't go away but won't commit, just lingering around for a quick fix every once in a while. Hmmmm.... I think that's it!

Happy reading to you all!